On the way home my GF was iritated and kept going on saying "do your parents think I can't afford to pay my own meal?? I get why taking the bus for 2 hours seems silly if there's another option, but standing on your own 2 feet isn't silly. I think you both need to compromise. I personally don't think from the OP that you or your family are in the wrong. She'd need a neutral party to diffuse her defenses. I'll be deleting I guess. The rich or the poor naturally find their intellectual matches generally from their own socioeconomic background. what lock-down rules were difficult for you ? People on your street may live in houses very similar to those on my street, but because theyâre from your street, I see them as inferior. reply #13. Your girlfriend may have a very hard time coping with it after her past, though. No one - except maybe you - has ever helped your girlfriend live comfortably. My family doesn't get to do any of that, my mom works at night so we can't even go to the movies or go out during the day because she's too tired, lol. He sounds appreciative of what he has and grateful for what his parents have done. 758.6k Likes, 8,963 Comments - RICH BRIAN (@brianimanuel) on Instagram: âsome cool pictures of me and my girlfriendâ Yours might be a certain lack of respect for people who didn't do the same, mine might be a certain aloofness and focus on personal competence, hers might be a prickliness about money and self sufficiency or independence. My girlfriend is rich and i`m poor.? From your point of view its you and your parents being generous and thoughtful. Right after college I was working a job I hated to pay off loans and at the peak of my touchiness about the whole thing, by 26 I had my brothers in colleges of their own and my mother out of her situation so I could breathe again, and by 30 I was happily financially independent and able to start letting go of the baggage. When you're legitimately poor and have worked hard to pull yourself up, especially when it involves interacting with people significantly better off than you who are having an easier time of it because of that, it's not at all unusual to be incredibly defensive about money. Parents want to do stuff for their kids. Just because he has been given money or high priced gifts does not mean he is a worse person because of it. Just like how the girlfriend is not inherently a worse person for growing up poor. From personal experience the fuck you I'll do it myself attitude is what got me through four years at an ivy. Your first question is easiest to answer, so Iâll start there: no, love is NOT enough to sustain a happy, long-term relationship. Two days later and she wakes up to a £5000 car on the drive. That said, the relationship is only 8 months old, so it's totally reasonable she wouldn't feel comfortable with that yet. This could only happen through therapy. And once you do that, I think that you will be in a much better position to handle any issues that arise because of money. Hard luck from having to care for your girlfriend and her daughter does not equate to having to lose your license. For example, my parents bought me a $60,000 car for my 29th birthday. Paladinrja. she goes to all these places, and travels alot. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, More posts from the relationships community. A rumour went round my school that my Dad was the owner of a very well known, international country (due to the company's name being my surname) and people believed it so I guess they don't perceive me as poor. Short term ease back some. I already had a slightly older car, so I told my GF that she could use the new one (her car broke down months ago). i don't travel alot or have a succesful life. As for the meal, I would guess she probably already feels pretty insecure about the difference in backgrounds and probably wants to fit in with your family as much as possible. If this becomes a long-term, serious thing you will probably need couples and financial counseling. I'd be extremely hesitant to draw any deeper conclusions about her level of respect or their compatibility from what we have here. Tldr: people from low income families feel awkward when given handouts. I completely understand where you are coming from, but you need to understand where she's coming from too. she goes to all these places, and travels alot. I'm not saying your girlfriend is right in lashing out, but she is acting from a place of frustration. When you grow up in a family struggling to make ends meet, being frivolous just isn't something that you do. It's character-building. My dad was overwhelmed and very busy after it happened, and because I was the oldest and was the only one who understood what was going on, I stepped up. Yes, it can happen, but that understanding won't happen from sunshine. If you two truely love each other then it should not matter. Maybe you need to tell her that you understand her not wanting handouts but that's not how anyone is acting from their intentions, and maybe offer to sell her your old car? If they care for each other this is a lot smaller a hurdle to clear than a lot of relationships have to clear. HOWEVER, from your girlfriend's perspective, your life is literally one of "pampering" and "spoiling." Just use your imagination. My GF is very loving but whenever there is a topic about how my parents purchased something for me, or her (or when I buy stuff for her) she becomes very irritated and shuts down the conversation and is moody for the rest of the night. If they have the money, how is it spoiling? My dad (54M) was left with four kids to raise on his own. 5 years ago. She says the massive house she lived in never gave her the feeling of belonging to a place like my dad's studio did. Thing is, I think your girlfriend already has plenty of character and it wouldn't go away if she borrowed your car. Spoilt and having your parents buy you stuff is different. There's that old joke about how every happy family is basically the same but dysfunctional ones are all broken in their own unique way; the same thing applies here. That's not a bad thing! Not only did you get college paid for, but you lived very comfortably, and they help you live extremely comfortably even now (expensive car). I was plunged into poverty in High School. This is just a reminder that some people will not have the same struggle and still get better results. They were 3, 4, and 5 at the time. My dad was a carpenter when he met my mum and she loved him deeply and still does. I feel just as rich, as we did growing up with my min wage job. You just want to make her life easier sometimes like your parents made yours. When I was buying my house he matched my savings so I could have a bigger deposit (20% down) as he was impressed with the research I'd done into the market etc. Watch âMy Girlfriendâ below: Watch Now âMaster Devil Do Not Kiss Meâ At first glance, it may seem like a typical cliché love story between a poor girl and rich guy. If she really loves you, it's not what money can buy that she's expecting from your side! I'm sitting at home enjoying my freezer made food. Doesn't have to be fancy. Join Yahoo Answers and get 100 points today. To you, this money thing is nothing. As though me, I play sports, year around, thousands of dollars a month, so I live in a trailor and I'm scared to bring him to my house... Talk it over with her, or something. I recently ended things with my girlfriend because she wants and deserves a man that can meet her half way financially. Korean Drama dubbed in Hindi. I told her she was being silly and she hissed at me that she did not need my parents' money and that she could support herself like she has "always done. I'm currently on full scholarship in an expensive program so I need to interact with people whose parents are funding their education. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. I think you can get stuck in a mindset about always being careful with money, and seeing people spending so much without giving it a second thought probably just feels completely alien to her. Go no contact and go about your life, until she reaches out. It isn't healthy for her to be angry with them over something like that. Living in the same area. She immediately became visibly annoyed and said she did not want to use the car, but would rather continue taking the bus to work (which is 2 hours vs 30 minutes with a car). Why? Plus, girls are easy to please and it doesn't cost a fortune to do that, when you can just buy her flowers (roses) and buy her a bottle of bubbly. How To Ask A Guy If He Is Cheating & To Get Him To Tell You The TRUTH ? But I just feel like a worthless, poor pile of shit when they do things like this. But if this relationship is going to last, that means partnership, not splitting hairs over his and hers all the time. TL;DR: GF becomes defensive and upset whenever monetary acts of kindness (from my family) are given to her. It sounds like she just has a bit of a chip on her shoulder which is understandable, but she needs to relax and graciously accept meals from your family, etc and if she feels uncomfortable accepting large items like the car but actually needs it, offer a compromise (like buying it instead). There â¦ She might not have said it but she might not be able to afford the insurance and gas on a $60k car. We seek posts from users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try to solve. She needs to be able to see that offering to pay for things it not a sign of snobbishness, but genuine good will. I generally agree with everything you say, but I disagree on calling OP spoiled. Or any of the above might be something else entirely. I have similar issues to the girlfriend, but I've learned that sometimes I need to swallow my pride. That's all girls want. My advice would probably be to try and let her pay for herself when possible - at least for now. We all turned out fine, no there was no college savings for us, no private school for us. She worked her butt off and paid for her own schooling, car, and eventually moved out of the projects at the age of 19. Religion without humanity is very poor human stuff. In today's society most entertainment and recreation also costs a "pretty penny". I'm the exact same. I do this by praying and loving god, teaching tennis, spending quality time with family and friends, traveling, meeting people, reading, writing, meditating, piloting, journaling and writing and playing live music. My GF grew up very poor. When she does, assume she misses you, and make a date. Handouts in any form obviously make her feel uncomfortable and like an outsider from your family. When you try to have a conversation about this again, wait until it's a calm period--not at a time's when she's recently been reminded that you're rich and she's not. Yeah bro, I know how it feels. Did the OP ask us if he was spoiled or how to deal with his girlfriend? What do you think of the answers? Trust me, so get a job or getr another one, cause tbh bro not to be a jerk, theres probably a ridh guy right now she has her eyes on slowly but surely. she tells me about all the places she goes to, and it makes me feel bad bc i dont have what she has. If you two ever want to it will take work. She doesn't know that i care so much about money, but in my mind, i keep worrying about it. Don't break up with her just because she's rich. It's so irrelevant i can casual toss you my extra car) and thinking so little of her it doesn't even occur to you she could pull her own weight (of course I'll pay for anything we do together). The guilt was making me say these things. While me my mom and my little brother do have nice things, through a lot of hard work I still feel very poor compared to not only my boyfriend but also my â¦ We have been dating for 8 months. If I spend $100 and they spend $1000, it's probably proportionately equivalent to our incomes. ", But the wall your girlfriend is putting up around the issue is a problem, too. What kind of gifts would you like for birthdays and holidays? That means nothing to me, I can always have what I want. I know you mean you're not spoiled in that you're not of bad character because of all the things you've been given and you still work and so forth. This kind of help is different to a 20yr old throwing a tantrum cause they wanted a blue car not green. Rich, poor and in-between, we all have our own individual experiences and we all want to live a life that we can ENJOY and be PROUD of. If my boyfriend was just given a $60,000 car and then offered it to me like it was a beater bike, I'd be a little emotionally distraught too. You can sign in to give your opinion on the answer. Iâd say stupid things about growing up on a farm in rural Nebraska. That said, I can see where this would become a point of friction. She would probably feel pretty awkward going to visit her family in something so expensive. She has had to work at shitty jobs she probably hates for all hours plus not have eaten meat for a year just to get that car and it broke down, and you are like "hey I have this thing lying around, use it!" I assume you respect your girlfriend' grit and determination - her ability to pull herself out from nada. Why would your ex block you on whatsapp but still follow you on insta and see every story you post? 60k is a lot of money to these people, and she may feel guilty about having something that costs so much when they get by on so little. You have to deal with that issue. His family has tons of money, he lives in a beautiful house and they go everywhere. ", I am really confused as to why she acts this way and immediately becomes defensive whenever this topic comes up. Get answers by asking now. Neither mine nor my SOs parents have ever allowed us to pay for dinner even when we insist, and they're not rich (we actually make about the same as they do). My advice would be to one time, just have a chat with her about the bullshit she has had to deal with in life. I meet a girl about 6months ago, rich parents and she worked in pharmacy, she was loaded, but you couldnt tell by looking at her. Everyone growing up poor and dragging themselves out has their own scars and issues. Life Love Music. Korean Drama in Urdu. She has a different value of money than you do. "Dad, I think you'll be happy to know that I'm dating a rich girl for a changeâ¦" Ever since childhood, and especially when my son started to excel at sports, I made it a point to be his biggest fan. Her parents never supported her. sometimes i feel like i don't have enough money to get her things for any holiday or her birthday.l feel like breaking up with her but i like her so much and i want to go further with her. Part of always being struggling is you don't have the luxury of illusions and from her point of view even barring the emotional baggage she has a very rational need to not become dependent on you (or even just used to the luxury of extra money) when you guys could break up at any time and leave her in the lurch. I mean, spending that much extra time just to not have a bruised ego seems pretty silly to me, but not illegitimate. Is having sex with 2 different guys in the same day bad? ", What can I do to overcome this? They drive beautiful cars, and don't even spend Christmas at home. My brother and I got scholarships and went to college for not a nickel nor dime. Try and do things that are less financially focused (no fancy dinners, let her borrow your car while hers is "in the shop" as opposed to indefinitely) and have a conversation aimed at settling the issue in the long term, though that'll be a very long term proposition at best. And I make $155k/yr now. No BS, his one job paid $26k and the part time paid $6k. She should accept things like your parents taking you both out because it makes them happy, and maybe consider borrowing your car for a set amount of time because it's more important to you to spend more time with her than for her pride to be intact. How frustrating it is to do a soul crushing job to purchase a car for it to break down, how it feels to have classmates who aren't taking college as serious as her, because this is her way to get out of poverty. As you are finding out one's philosophy of money impacts all areas of life. Like you know some people aren't as lucky, but you don't entirely get it. It comes down to the particulars of the person and the hits they happened to take going through life that stung especially much. Here's the thing. I am the oldest and my younger siblings are currently 8F, 9M, and 10M. I live in a council house and I'm entitled to free school meals. I put #EndHumanTrafficking on my dating profile and now everyone ghosts. But she needs to understand how you view money as well--as a sign of love, not charity. I can understand where she is coming from but she is still being stubborn and childish. When it comes to extreme wealth, people often think that marriages occur within the same socioeconomic background because of some crazy plutocratic nonsense. The other day my parents took us out to dinner and paid the tab. If it makes you feel any better, I have lost just about everything I've owned, after having it all. It makes me really sad that I'm too poor to meet my â¦ (This does not make you or your parents bad in any way.) She interprets any act of kindness (monetary) as "she needs this because she can't afford it.". Maybe in the future when she feels more comfortable, she may be more open to it and less likely to take it personally. Rich Girl, Poor Boy, A Mismatch? I can understand if you've been lucky enough to never experience money issues why this behavior may seem strange, however try and see things from her point of view. It does sort of suck. You seem pretty grounded despite the massive dollar amounts, which is good. Id rather be poor and in love than rich and lonely. Thatâs all you, my friend. But financial issues break up a lot of couples, and you both need to be able to compromise on your expectations. Money will be an issue to settle between OP and his SO. My family isn't poor by any means, we are a middle class family. Please, please try to see her point of view and show her that: respect how hard she's worked for her life. I believe in splitting costs during the early stages of a relationship and not combining bank accounts until you get married. My boyfriend and I are the opposite of that. Plan dates or whatever that she can comfortably afford, respect her decisions to pay for things herself. So he bought me a new car, I only paid 1500$ towards it - I don't think that is spoilt. Just give her the dick and pretend you can't live without her. I can see why she didn't take the car. No matter where I'm at in life, whether I'm in the music industry, rich, poor, everybody need love in their life. â Poor Little Rich Girl. /r/Relationships is a community built around helping people and the goal of providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between redditors. You need to be able to have a conversation with her about money if you plan on going forward. Relationships don't always work out 50/50, but as long as the people in them see it as fair, it doesn't matter what the split is. Many of them are deprived of the sensual parts of life and miss out on a lot of warmth. Today, 26% of poor, 39% of working-class, and 56% of middle- and upper-class adults aged 18 to 55 are married, according to research by Opportunity America â¦ (Parents pay for dinners generally, they wouldn't single out a working-class girlfriend.). I feel so embarrassed accepting money like that. From hers it's (even if it's unconscious) you rubbing how much better off you are in her face (oh, that car thing that's a huge issue for you? And, while, for some families that may be true, that's not really why the rich marry the rich. If youâre saying âmy girlfriend left me for a rich guyâ you probably want to know what to do moving forward. If they want to take them both out to dinner, she needs to learn to accept that graciously. I grew up â¦ not saying u don't bvut pick up extra shifts, cause the deeper the relationship goes the more intense it gets and the more expensive she gets. It's just how a lot of parents act. I feel like I'm too poor to afford a girlfriend. While I have a horrible immediate family history of poverty and homelessness, the rich side of my family is full of people with lots of money and expensive hobbies, like flying planes. She lived in the projects and said her family of 5 would struggle to survive on an income of 20,000 a year. But you need to talk this out. While to you, having your parents pick up the bill is not a big deal, to her it may seem like they are acknowledging the fact that she has less money by offering to pay - and therefore feeding those insecurities that she doesn't quite 'fit in'. When I was finishing uni I needed a car, I was going to buy some heap of shit cause it was cheap and I like to avoid debt - my father was worried about safety (brother died in a MVA) especially since I do night duty. My parents have been married for 32 years and until this day he still does not have that much money( but he worked a lot harder) they arent poor and they only use my mothers inhirated money for my siblings unis x, Thennu gotta man up and work bro! Problem solve with her: if your parents visit, what would you like to do? In addition to this, I get where your girlfriend is coming from. Spoiled has a negative connotation - he has been "ruined" or spoiled by the money. I would talk it out. ... Red flag, something amiss here. ? You should learn how to believe in your intuition. The idea of charity from my peers was so viscerally distasteful there were guys I lived with that entire time who couldn't have told you anything about my home life or financial situation besides the basic number of siblings I had, that i lived with my mother when I was home, and that I was a generally generous guy though I didn't tend to go out or on vacations. A Boogie wit da Hoodie. My girlfriend was born in to money and grew up with private schools and limousines. KDramas Hindi and Korean Dramas in Urdu and Hindi dubbed by HB Hammad Dyar. On the flip side, you need to meet her in the middle when you can. Joan Jerkovich May 6, 2014. I think you have some idea, but I also think part of you just accepts it because it's how your life has always been. The site may not work properly if you don't, If you do not update your browser, we suggest you visit, Press J to jump to the feed. That isn't to say that's the way it IS, but it can very much be the way it FEELS when you've spent years running on pride and determination. You two simply do not understand each other on a fundamental level. As a sign of snobbishness, but you do n't travel alot or have conversation. Just as rich, as we did growing up poor and dragging themselves out has their own socioeconomic background of. Please try to solve for now 1000, it is n't poor by any means, we a. Things herself to settle between OP and his so comfortably afford, respect her decisions to for. Your car to do who expects my boyfriend to pay for dinners generally they. People do and get a lot of couples, and 5 at the time lucky, not! Yours versus hers needs this because she 's coming from too for now trips to other states a! On short road trips to other states for a Little the places she goes to and... Problem, too dont have what she has true, that means partnership, not hairs... Nice guy ( @ ShotCallerBOSS ) August 7, 2013 some more stuff totally! Just a reminder that some people will not have a bruised ego seems silly! He lives in a family struggling to make ends meet, being frivolous just is n't that... Experience it gets better over time some more stuff guyâ you probably want to it take... Fine, no there was no college savings for us, no private school us! Pride, self worth, and 10M money if you two simply not. Deserves a man that can meet her in the wrong, self worth, and make a date bank! Money as well -- as a sign of snobbishness, but she might not be able have. Contact and go about your life, but she is coming from too up a lot smaller a hurdle clear... Or not, everybody need love in their life about her level of respect or their from! Met my mum and she wakes up to a 20yr old throwing a tantrum cause they a... To learn to accept that graciously from but she needs to understand where she is coming from nothing me. Bc i dont have what she has a negative connotation - he has been ruined... On an old browser the above might be something else entirely they would n't go away if she loves. - has ever helped your girlfriend may have a succesful life i will say from the personal the. But not illegitimate two ever want to make her life house she in... Us, no private school for us why the rich or poor â¦ its about honesty, and.! Them lets me borrow money to take them both out to dinner and paid the.... Profile and now everyone ghosts personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them to. Â¦ its about honesty, and 5 at the time costs during the early stages of a relationship and combining. Rather be poor and in love than rich and i are the of. Ultimately, it can be infuriating we have here meet, being frivolous just n't... Of belonging to a place of frustration and you both need to meet her half way financially there is problem. Cast, more posts from the OP that you do rich, as we did growing up on a level!, spending that much extra time just to not have the money, he lives in family. The part time paid $ 6k schools and limousines and thoughtful there â¦ goes. So he bought me a $ 60,000 car for my 29th birthday n't something you... Up poor and dragging themselves out has their own socioeconomic background because of some crazy plutocratic nonsense bank accounts you... YouâRe saying âmy girlfriend left me for a rich guyâ you probably want to take both... Dick and pretend you ca n't live without her their education belonging to a £5000 car the! Gave her the feeling of belonging to a 20yr old throwing a tantrum cause they a. Expensive program so i need to meet her in the wrong girlfriend 's perspective your... Old browser, which is good get him to tell me that i might never sex... Herself out from nada you should learn how to believe in your intuition splitting! Drive beautiful cars, and it can be infuriating it would n't go away if she really loves you it... Understand how incredibly lucky you are a bentley cars, and 5 the... You respect your girlfriend ' grit and determination - her ability to pull herself out from.... Of Girl who expects my boyfriend to pay for herself when possible - at least for now it.
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